I am questioning my decision to return to school. I am not sure why though? Perhaps the impact it is having on my self-esteem?? I constantly find myself questioning my abilities, and of course then I complete an assignment and realize that it wasn't that hard. I am starting to recall how I felt in college all those years ago. As if I was in over my head all the time. I would project on an assignment, procrastinate until the last minute and then once I actually STARTED TO WORK ON IT, would find that it really wasn't that difficult at all. Have I not changed in 20 years!?
I am trying not to procrastinate, but although I start the assignment - time doesn't allow me to work on things as I would like. All those years ago I have the luxury of being a full time student. Today my life is EXTREMELY FULL. I barely got into bed before 11:30 every night BEFORE I started school - now I find myself just exhausted!!! I really don't know with my Crohn's Disease if I can do this. I know that stress and exhaustion are not good for it and I am fearful that I might have another flare up if I don't take care of myself (or is that just a way for me to quit without having to own it). Oh, my fear of failure rearing it's ugly head...! If I quit then I won't have to worry about failing? I won't have to sacrifice. I am not going to get this without DOING THE WORK. That's how life is.... I KNOW these things.... but I guess I just forgot HARD and PHYSICALLY EXHAUSTING this is would be.
Stay tuned....
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